Some parents completely disengage themselves from their obligation to oversee and ensure the successful education of their children. Some parents act as if the responsibility to educate, and even care for their child, is primarily the responsibility of the public school system. As a result, our teachers and schools have been forced to become surrogate parents, expected to do everything from behavioral counseling, to providing adequate nutrition, to teaching sex education, as well as ensuring full college and career readiness.The first sentence of this paragraph contains a split infinitive; "to oversee and to ensure" is preferable. The second sentence contains another split infinitive ("and even to care" is preferable) and two wrongly-placed commas. The third sentence contains an awkward attempt at parallelism. Suggested revision: "...everything from behavioral counseling to providing adequate nutrition, as well as..."
Later, we get this remarkable sentence:
Instead of requiring that teachers and students must be in class for 990 hours a year, lets enable our local school boards to determine the best use of a teacher’s time and focus student and parent expectations on educational outcomes such as completing assignments and passage of exams as the measurement of success for the opportunity to progress in public school.The word "must" is not necessary. The contraction "let's" is missing an apostrophe. Because the sentence structure is so clumsy, the reader cannot determine which noun goes with the verb "focus." Does the writer mean "let's focus" or does he mean "let's enable our school boards to focus"? The rest is so problematic, I'm not sure how to proceed. Does the phrase "as the measurement of success for the opportunity to progress" mean anything?
Based on Mr. Osmond's performance, I would say that compulsory education remains desirable. However, I do agree with Osmond on one point: Some students may need to repeat grades.
0 comments:
Post a Comment